A few weeks later I found a 1 bedroom apartment in Tamavua which was near to my eldest sister’s home. Still trying to make a ‘go’ of my marriage I shared this news with my wife. Having the knowledge that it would be just the two of us and possibly other factors -I don’t really know, she actually agreed to move in with me.
Just a couple of weeks into our attempt, our struggle -cannot lie as it was such- another surprise was dished up. I came in from work one afternoon and Hemma was not at home, as was the normal scene. Our apartment was trashed and I mean like ransacked! Clothing, groceries, bedding, papers you name it, strewn all about the place.
I found no note, no dear John letter, no obvious reason for this scene and no, the thought never crossed my mind that she may have been in danger. We were clearly in a troubled relationship and well, in my gut it was plain that she did this damage herself. What!? I’m being honest here about what I felt at the moment; judge if you must.
I understood nothing and I knew even less than that. Frozen in the corner of the room just looking around, aloud I cried, ‘Oh God! Why did she do this?’ I thought if she wanted to leave me, just leave!
This takes so much poison and hatred in one’s system to do such a thing, think about it; the energy spent in destruction. Intense hatred, lack of knowledge and God knows what else it takes to fuel such obliteration. How much more torment and painful heartache must one endure, I just had to ask myself this question …only repeatedly it seemed.
And in all fairness, at some small point in this time, I realized she’s suffering something of her own heart and mind, right? I mean massive pain can cause one to do … I still don’t think it’s right to be destructive.
I know, I know we all handle things differently, I get that. Alas I can only speak for myself and I do know that I didn’t betray her trust. I must go to the ocean, wash my face and awake myself from this nightmare!
After a while I called my sister, telling her what I came home to. The family came right away and assisted me with a clean-up. I packed my things and they took me back to my mother’s home.
At this point my family was ready to go to war with my in-laws. My mama (elder uncle) came as soon as he could in order to try and calm everyone down; get our heads screwed back on. We had to be logical in our thoughts and plans.
In retrospect, as I’ve experienced the remaining 64 years of my life, I really do not blame her for some of the behavior she demonstrated. I saw for myself that there are certain types of parents who do interfere too much, causing confusion for their young children who are just trying to act grown-up within the situations which their parents put them in, in the first place.
Her reactions at that time must’ve been perhaps a defense mechanism for all that her young life had already dished up as she really was still, only a child herself. I was not so much more grown-up than that. The one difference I had going on was that I had left Fiji for a while and saw there was more to life than what the eyeball currently saw every morning.