So what to do? Cold and hard to accept fact time; the marriage proposal was on the table and we had to talk about it now. I pleaded with my brother that I didn’t want to get married yet, it was too soon.
‘I don’t know her well enough!’ was the best petition I could make and because a simple ‘I don’t want to!’ was not cutting it.
It’s not only respect for family doing what your elders deem is right for maintaining the family’s honor but “…it’s been this way for hundreds of years, what do you want to go and change things for now?” Not forward thinking I felt; tradition takes precedence.
Somehow they just knew that when the SS Lakemba returned from Canada into Suva, I would certainly be on that ship, right off the island I’d go. Hmm maybe my brother did peek into my bag at some point.
It appeared that all who had a say in this household wanted me to marry Hemma but what about me? No, no, that didn’t matter, their minds were made up and that was that. My brother being the head of the household since our father passed, announced to me, “You will marry Hemma and that’s final.”
I am certain the pressing uneasiness also was that my family would be the ones who failed to keep their promise, certainly not honorable, if I didn’t make good on their word of this marriage. Personally I don’t think that promise should’ve been made in the first place!
Feeling that this pronouncement had to be accepted I just had to distract myself for the time being before entering into this marriage which had to be. Staying around the house everyday this predicament surely would cause me to blow a circuit or two; I desired no participation in the details if I could help it.
Simply put, this is not how I thought my life should go.
Well, it was a new year and so it was also time to move forward I guess. I went over to C & A Kalyan, Ladies Tailor shop hoping they’d take me in. I was accepted and they made it known to me they were happy to have me back; well that was nice!
For those of you who have read post 6 – Tailoring My Way Off the Island, you’ll remember this is where I worked before heading out to sea.
I knew I’d enjoy what I was doing and it would keep me out of the center of things at home. I was blessed to work at least 40 hours a week and half a day on Saturdays which was also payday so I definitely showed up!
Well, the month of May just had to come around didn’t it? The preparations were being made at my house and believe me there’s beyond a lot to be done for these Hindu weddings. There’s construction of the celebration accommodations such as tents for sitting and eating areas, etc., to spices and menus being prepared, clothing and jewelry bought and well you get the idea and everyone goes the way of the vegetarian for the preceding week.
The town electrician came to string up the lights and generally the neighbors all jumped in to help; it’s really a big to-do! We also fed everyone, everyday! And I’ve only told you about the goings-on at the groom’s household.
The festivities always begin a week ahead of the marriage day and can continue for up to a week afterwards. It’s really quite a sight …and much work, but normally everything is good and everyone involved is very happy.
Noori had been in and out of my house all this time, helping everyone she possibly could with their work, also known as my wedding preparations. We had a private moment when she told me that she would always be there for me.
Her heart was breaking yet in spite of that she told me she understood why I was going in this direction and even I should go forward with her blessing. Noori said she thought me even more respectable that I was honoring my family’s wishes; that she declared was worth so much more in her eyes.
All over the place there’s lights galore, dancing, laughter, eating and singing everyday. And talk about a rainbow of deep rich colours, colours everywhere!
Sooner or later I knew they’d catch me! I was now off duty from work for a week or so and the preparations on me began. All week long I wore only white clothing.
Every evening I sat outside on a chair in the place which was prepared for daily prayer. Before every ceremonial duty to be performed which was wedding related, a prayer is conducted. This is how we do it. That’s why I sat there.
Anyhow focus. All the females of the family and some female family friends would paste me up with Haldi. So as the week progressed I became a golden child!
In our Indian tradition it is favorable to do this because, for the couple about to begin their new life together, it gives a spiritual cleansing as well as representation of prosperity. And there’s another reason why Haldi is used in this instance and that is to rid the new couple of Buri Nazar.
Haldi made from golden turmeric, water, sometimes rose water and sandalwood powder & it looks like our Little Blue Masala has turned gold!
Buri Nazar the Sanskrit term for evil eye.